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You are a sex phoenix, and you’re rising from the ashes. Don’t take your Rolex or that ring your grandma gave you when she passed away to the gay sauna. After all, why go through all of the boring drama of coming out and detailing exactly how you’re going to have sex to your own mother if you’re not going to actually be good at it? It’s time to transcend the dynamic of the jackrabbit and the wet flannel. You don’t have to be kinky-although you can also be as kinky as they come-but we are frankly superior in bed. But if there is one thing that unites every LGBTQ+ person I know, it’s that we are good at sex. It’s also time to get really good at sex. A healthy way to deal with this, though-which my therapist has strongly advised against-is to start calling those around you your “audience.” “Fans” also works, but the truth is that audience implies a much more generous, symbiotic, artistic relationship between you and this woman who is staring at you at the crosswalk. Sometimes you’ll like it, sometimes you’ll hate it. As part of the LGBTQ+ community, you will be forced into visibility. The people around you are no longer strangers, commuters, or fellow diners at Chinese Tuxedo. So what are you waiting for?Ī note on how you’re likely to be viewed after doing so. What do the straights have? Chinos and golf tournaments? Marriage and a Volvo? Yep, you got it-being gay is better. The best art too, from the Sistine Chapel to Leigh Bowery. The best fashion, from Thierry Mugler to Telfar. The best film and theater, from Pink Flamingos to A Strange Loop.
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We have the best literature, from Giovanni’s Room to Detransition, Baby. We have more sex than our straight counterparts, we are better at everything than our heterosexual peers (there are no stats on this, but it’s true), and we get to say things like “J’adore” and mean it both ironically and unironically. We get to wear leather without looking try-hard, we get to watch unhinged drag queens fall over in dive bars, and we get to holiday in homes in Tangier owned by “interior decoration gays.” We’re statistically more likely to be chic and fashionable (although some gay men seem to want to actively exclude themselves from this one) and people-literally, like, everyone-are desperate for our approval. If I wanted a place that has great deals on drinks and a comfortable place to hang with friends then I would go to the Garage. Instead, I will just take it for face value and come to dance with my friends. Here in LGBTQ+ Town, we get to party until we’re in our mid-sixties, at which point we’re held up as community icons. Coming into the gay clubs with huge expectations will only lead to disappointment.